[HaBo]

#include <nonsense.h>
	#include <lies.h>
	#include <spyware.h>/* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
	#include <process.h>/* For the court of law */

	#define say(x) lie(x)
	#define computeruser ALL_WHO_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
	#define soon way_in_the_future
	#define next_year soon
	#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

	void main()
	{
	  if (latest_window_version one_month_old)
	  {
	    if (there_are_still_bugs)
	      market(bugfix);
	    if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
	      raise(RUMORS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
	  }
	  while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
	  {
	    make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */
	    if (rumors_grow_wilder)
	      make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
	    if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
	    {
	      market_time=ripe;
	      say("It will be ready in one month);
	      order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
	      order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
	      order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
	      vaporware=TRUE;
	      break;
	    }
	  }
	  switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
	  {
	    case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
	      say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
	      break;
	    case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
	      say("Yes it will work");
	      ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
	      pretend(there_is_no_problem);
	      break;
	    case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
	      say("It will run on an 8086 with lightning speed due to"
	      " the 32-bit architecture");
	      inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
	      inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
	      "'cuz all those customers will need at least 32 meg");
	      inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
	      get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
	      break;
	    case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
	      say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for everyone");
	      register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
	      when(time_is_ripe)
	      {
	        arrest(journalist);
	        brainwash(journalist);
	        when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
	        {
	          order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
	          release (journalist);
	        }
	      }
	      break;
	    }
	    while (vaporware)
	    {
	      introduction_date++; /* Delay */
	      if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
	        break;
	      say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
	    }
	    release(beta_version)
	    while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
	    {
	      bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
	      release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
	      introduce(more_memory_requirements);
	      if (customers_report_installation_problems)
	      {
	        say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
	        if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
	        {
	          ignore(customer);
	          order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this bastard");
	        }
	      }
	      if (there_is_another_company)
	      {
	        steal(their_ideas);
	        accuse(company, stealing_our_ideas);
	        hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
	        wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
	        buy_out(other_company);
	      }
	    }
	    /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are angry at us */
	    order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
	    buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
	    laugh_at(everyone, for_having_the_patience_to_wait_year_after_year_
	    for_another_unfinished_version);
	  }
	}

	void bugfix(void)
	{
	  charge (a_lot_of_money)
	  if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
	    say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
	  if (still_complains)
	  {
	    ignore(customer);
	    register(customer, big_Bill_book);
	    /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware */
	  }
	}
	EndofFile